i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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