This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
