the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I believe in your delicious
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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