I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
