We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize