I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
