Your favorite bartender is back from prision
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize