i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
