mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
