she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
