capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
