did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
