She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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