I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
