i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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