Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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