Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
