Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
