I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
