"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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