You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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