Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
