I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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