I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
