I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
