I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
