theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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