I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Randomize
