my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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