Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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