I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
