Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
