There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
