I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
