My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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