what day is it and did you see me today?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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