I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
