the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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