John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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