i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
