I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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