Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
