Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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