when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
