there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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