"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
