I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
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