did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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