so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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