I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
