Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
