At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
