If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
