Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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