Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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