after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize