i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm too high and old for this...
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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