NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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