I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I pour the whiskey from now on
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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