So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
