I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She's the barista slut.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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