and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
