Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Sober January is a disaster.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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