My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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