Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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