I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
