Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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