Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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