You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
