dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Randomize
