The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Randomize
