Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
