i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
